Book Review
Daring Greatly
How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead
by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW
Penguin Random House LLC © 2012
Vulnerability is an uncomfortable topic to read about through 260 pages, and at the heart of “Daring Greatly” is the powerful vulnerability. Through vulnerability we have the power to show up in order to Dare Greatly.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and seat and blood; who strives valiantly…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. – Theodore Roosevelt
My first exposure to Brené Brown was in the audiobook version of The Path Made Clear, by Oprah Winfrey. Her “Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto” (pg. 244-245 or can be downloaded from her website, www.brenebrown.com) brought tears to my eyes. In it, she promises to show up, allow herself to be seen and encourages her children to do the same. The manifesto also promises to practice courage and know joy.
I was hooked. I searched for Brené Brown’s books and downloaded The Power of Vulnerability on Audible and became a confirmed follower. The style with which she conveys her knowledge and learning is never condescending or dry. The humor and love central to her personality, weaves itself through her material to help readers ingest her learnings and research with openness and self reflection vs. defensiveness or close-mindedness.
In Daring Greatly, she discusses many of the same principles as in The Power of Vulnerability (in fact, about 60 pages in, I had to check my Audible account to ensure I had not accidentally bought a hard copy of the same audio book). The Power of Vulnerability audiobook, though, is basically an audio of a series of lectures on vulnerability recorded to a room of students. Daring Greatly stands on its own as a lesson in life transformation with (as the title states) implications on the way we live, love, parent and lead.
The four greatest takeaways for me from this book are as follows:
1. “Hope isn’t an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.” In order to have hope, we have to have a clear vision of the future. We need to set goals in order to achieve that vision. Additionally, and potentially most importantly, we need to believe that we can achieve those goals. A key element of hope is believing in ourselves.
2. “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” Pema Chödrön, American Philosopher.
3. “When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability, we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be. Experiencing vulnerability isn’t a choice – the only choice we have is how we’re going to respond when we are confronted with uncertainty, risk and emotional exposures.”
4. “Shame can only rise so far in any system before people disengage to protect themselves. When we’re disengaged, we don’t show up, we don’t contribute, and we stop caring.” (The Daring Greatly Leadership Manifesto can be viewed and downloaded from Brené Brown’s website, www.brenebrown.com)
Whether you are looking to become a better parent, are trying to understand why you feel disconnected or would like to improve your leadership, this book is a great enabler of the intrinsic understanding to becoming better, more connected, through all facets of our lives.
“To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from what we believe and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections.”